The Accident
Before you panic, no one was in an accident. My daughter had one. She woke me up this morning to tell me she had an accident in her bed. She was soaked, her bedding was wet & here she was telling me. This is a HUGE DEAL. I've never been so happy to have my child pee in their bed! Let me explain.
My sweet little girl (almost 4) has had four homes in her short little life. Shes moved about every year. She was in her original (birth mom's) home, with a foster family & with a pre-adoptive foster family. For obvious reasons, she has had a very hard time attaching to me as her mom. Along with this trauma, we aren't sure how she was treated in each of those homes. In (at least) one of the homes, she was severely punished, neglected & abused.
As a result - every time I get frustrated with her or raise my voice, she goes into a deer in the headlights look - totally afraid of what I will do. She often flinched (especially when she first came) anytime I made a sudden movement around her & even cried if simply I looked disappointed. I'm talking meltdown crying - falling on the floor, screaming, wailing and sobbing. Sure, this still happens when I am upset at a choice she makes, but before it was for the silliest things - like I looked at her when she said a mean word. If I didn't have a smile, she was pretty much always crying.
She has had several accidents - hidden her wet pajamas & covered her wet spot on the bed with a
blanket or stuffed animal. I understand his is relatively normal behavior - Tashari certainly has done this before. What was unique was the horror that filled her eyes when I realized she changed her pajamas or found the wet spot. I wouldnt be angry - I would simply ask her where her pajamas were from the night before or notice her bed smelled bad at naptime. She would often burst into tears at my question - afraid of what may follow. Other people's reactions to her mistakes triggered her to react to my question or discovery with fear. It's taken almost an entire year for her to understand that I won't snap. Thankfully we have come a LONG way.
Honestly, I've known for a long time Bella is't fully attached to me, but when she came down this morning to tell me that she had an accident - I was filled with hope. She KNOWS I'M SAFE! She knows I'm not going to hurt her or over react when she makes a mistake. She knew I would help her clean it up, give her a bath and move on. For this little moment this morning, I am so grateful. It's the little things that remind me we are on a path to healing.
My sweet little girl (almost 4) has had four homes in her short little life. Shes moved about every year. She was in her original (birth mom's) home, with a foster family & with a pre-adoptive foster family. For obvious reasons, she has had a very hard time attaching to me as her mom. Along with this trauma, we aren't sure how she was treated in each of those homes. In (at least) one of the homes, she was severely punished, neglected & abused.
As a result - every time I get frustrated with her or raise my voice, she goes into a deer in the headlights look - totally afraid of what I will do. She often flinched (especially when she first came) anytime I made a sudden movement around her & even cried if simply I looked disappointed. I'm talking meltdown crying - falling on the floor, screaming, wailing and sobbing. Sure, this still happens when I am upset at a choice she makes, but before it was for the silliest things - like I looked at her when she said a mean word. If I didn't have a smile, she was pretty much always crying.She has had several accidents - hidden her wet pajamas & covered her wet spot on the bed with a
blanket or stuffed animal. I understand his is relatively normal behavior - Tashari certainly has done this before. What was unique was the horror that filled her eyes when I realized she changed her pajamas or found the wet spot. I wouldnt be angry - I would simply ask her where her pajamas were from the night before or notice her bed smelled bad at naptime. She would often burst into tears at my question - afraid of what may follow. Other people's reactions to her mistakes triggered her to react to my question or discovery with fear. It's taken almost an entire year for her to understand that I won't snap. Thankfully we have come a LONG way.
Honestly, I've known for a long time Bella is't fully attached to me, but when she came down this morning to tell me that she had an accident - I was filled with hope. She KNOWS I'M SAFE! She knows I'm not going to hurt her or over react when she makes a mistake. She knew I would help her clean it up, give her a bath and move on. For this little moment this morning, I am so grateful. It's the little things that remind me we are on a path to healing.
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