Knowing when to say when

To be honest, closing our foster license in December after adopting 5 kids in three years wasn't difficult.  It was a simple reply to an email from our licensing worker, asking if we would like to stay open.  We asked her to close it.  I didn't think twice about that decision...until today.

Around 3:30pm today, I got a call from our former foster care agency.  (I can't make this stuff up, folks.) Tashari (our daughter we met & adopted first), who is now 5, has a little biological sister.  They almost placed her with us a couple years ago when she was a baby. They said they would call us when they went to pick her up, but they couldn't find her. She and her mother were missing.  We literally went and bought a minivan in case they found her. Months and now years went by and she is now (as of today) in foster care. 

I literally had two three year olds in the bath, a four year old making a mess and two kids on their way home from school. My phone was blowing up with texts from my son's teacher about his behavior at school. I looked again at my three littles and clearly said "No, we can't take Tashari's sister." 

This part of our journey makes me feel so many feelings.  I don't like saying no to this precious girl. I wish we could take her in today.  I wish we could fit another bed in the girls room & another car seat in the van, but we can't. We don't have the time, space or energy to foster or adopt another child right now.  We made this decision months ago knowing it was time to close our doors. 

I don't feel guilt or like I missed an opportunity to obey God.  I have felt both of those feelings before. Today I'm simply sad.  I want to have room for all the kids. Knowing there are 2300 kids in foster care in Milwaukee alone makes me want to buy a mansion & fill it with kids who need a mom.  The truth is, if we allowed one more child in, Ben & I both know we would break.  We are currently at capacity. 

You never know what God has in store for the future - maybe someday we will reconsider, but for now we are good.  I can be sad & even angry that we can't raise Tashari's sister, but instead of crying - I choose to look into the world around me and ask people to consider opening their homes - to one, two or more foster kids.  There are still more - including part of our extended family - that need homes.  They need imperfect people to step out in faith and love a kid - for a while or forever.  Consider being a foster parent.  I'd be happy to buy you coffee or lunch and chat about it if you are interested.  I mean it. 

It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but God has transformed me through the process into a better wife, mom & human as a result of our little tribe.  Stepping out in faith changed my life.  We're here if you'd like to step out, too.  If you do, you won't regret it.