Mama Bear Mode
There are many things that are strange about being a foster parent. One thing I keep discovering over and over again is that becoming a parent to a foster child (without having any other biological children) is that post adoption I have a hard time feeling like I can advocate for my kids.
While my kids were in foster care, there are so many different voices which were valued in the court room. The case worker, the parent's attorney, the GAL, the district attorney. etc. Very rarely did I (as a foster parent) speak into what was best for the child we were caring for.
In the doctors office, I had no say in whether or not my child should get immunizations. I could not take the kids out of state without permission. I couldn't pierce my girl's ears or cut my boy's hair. The therapist had ideas on how I should parent. The occupational therapists show me what to do to help my kid recover from neglect. The trainers had all kinds of info and ideas on what my kids need. Everyone told me how to take care of my child(ren) and love them.
Fast forward years later and my kids need advocates. My son needs a discipline plan at school. Another one of my son's teacher is teasing/bullying him. My daughter needs to see a specialist. I need to make decisions on medications, surgeries & safety. It is now all my (and Ben's) job. This is so difficult and not a responsibility to take lightly.
My kids need well trained people who can be consistent & strict, but gentle and warm. They need me to decide which people are worth allowing into our lives. We need to be selective and careful. There is only so much room in our circle because everyone in it needs to understand trauma and be willing to learn. People who will read books about trauma & PTSD. People who don't pity our kids. We need those who are ready to learn about how to best love our kids.
I am the only one who has been to each therapy appointment. I am the only one who has heard most of their traumatic memories. I can not & will not apologize for being a protective, mama bear. I will probably have to apologize for my delivery occasionally (I can guarantee this - I already had to today), but I will always look out for these kids God entrusted to Ben & me. It is a privilege and while I am sure I won't do it perfectly, I have to try. In the mean time, I just may need to get this shirt. (photo from GypsyJunkClothing on Etsy)
While my kids were in foster care, there are so many different voices which were valued in the court room. The case worker, the parent's attorney, the GAL, the district attorney. etc. Very rarely did I (as a foster parent) speak into what was best for the child we were caring for.
In the doctors office, I had no say in whether or not my child should get immunizations. I could not take the kids out of state without permission. I couldn't pierce my girl's ears or cut my boy's hair. The therapist had ideas on how I should parent. The occupational therapists show me what to do to help my kid recover from neglect. The trainers had all kinds of info and ideas on what my kids need. Everyone told me how to take care of my child(ren) and love them.
Fast forward years later and my kids need advocates. My son needs a discipline plan at school. Another one of my son's teacher is teasing/bullying him. My daughter needs to see a specialist. I need to make decisions on medications, surgeries & safety. It is now all my (and Ben's) job. This is so difficult and not a responsibility to take lightly.
My kids need well trained people who can be consistent & strict, but gentle and warm. They need me to decide which people are worth allowing into our lives. We need to be selective and careful. There is only so much room in our circle because everyone in it needs to understand trauma and be willing to learn. People who will read books about trauma & PTSD. People who don't pity our kids. We need those who are ready to learn about how to best love our kids.
I am the only one who has been to each therapy appointment. I am the only one who has heard most of their traumatic memories. I can not & will not apologize for being a protective, mama bear. I will probably have to apologize for my delivery occasionally (I can guarantee this - I already had to today), but I will always look out for these kids God entrusted to Ben & me. It is a privilege and while I am sure I won't do it perfectly, I have to try. In the mean time, I just may need to get this shirt. (photo from GypsyJunkClothing on Etsy)
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