Let. It. Go.
I have developed a new-to-me skill slowly over the past 7 years as I have become a mom. I have learned to care what people think of me. For YEARS I was the expert of not caring probably to a fault. Ok. Definitely to a fault. I would say how I felt in the moment (often with no filter) and experience life worrying mainly about myself. I would want to help people with what they needed, but after I was done helping them I would turn off my need to connect with them again. Unless I had a scheduled time to think of others, I didn't much. I would help when asked, but usually to help someone solve a problem, not out of love at all. I could not have cared less about if anyone liked me, thought about me or helped me. Selfishness consumed my life.
Lately I've found myself obsessing, worried and drastically emotionally responding to the way people feel about me. It probably started as we began to foster - people at target judging me openly, case workers asking a thousand questions about everything - prying into our lives, those who made unkind comments about the way we choose to raise my kids, those who wanted me to do things their way or chose a different type of life because I was making them uncomfortable (insert eye roll emoji here). There is so much pressure and judgment in parenting. I am constantly seeing myself & other parents compare each other - it makes me sick. Somehow I've found myself over caring.
I have cared about if people think I'm mean to my kid. I have gotten annoyed at a friend for not being as open with their lives when I have been vulnerable with them. I have blown up at my kid who was nit picking at me or complaining about who I am/choices I've made. I've lost sleep over worrying what people think of me. I've stressed about what my kids will wear. I cared about what people will think if my house is a mess or my kids' hair isn't perfect.
WHO IS THIS PERSON?!
While I don't think my childhood of being overly honest and careless was great, I want to take more time to make like Elsa and learn to LET. IT. GO. (Disney nerd alert!) I need to find a balance. I so desire to not let how someone feels about me take over my day. Sure - a fleeting moment and consideration of my choices, communication and intention is often necessary. But, overall, I need to let go, re-prioritize my thoughts. My focus should be on who God says I am and if I am living my life in a way that honors him. I want my life to be focused on encouragement, service and prayer, not worrying about others in a way that binds me and stunts my growth. May I receive life from Christ and share that with others rather than expecting others to fill my needs. Less facebook. Less brain space for other people's problems (unless we're asked to help). Less assuming people hate me. More prayer. More kindness. More time spent meditating on God's Word than on some words someones said to me. Where do you land on the spectrum? Do you need to learn to filter or learn to let it go (like Elsa)?
Lately I've found myself obsessing, worried and drastically emotionally responding to the way people feel about me. It probably started as we began to foster - people at target judging me openly, case workers asking a thousand questions about everything - prying into our lives, those who made unkind comments about the way we choose to raise my kids, those who wanted me to do things their way or chose a different type of life because I was making them uncomfortable (insert eye roll emoji here). There is so much pressure and judgment in parenting. I am constantly seeing myself & other parents compare each other - it makes me sick. Somehow I've found myself over caring.
I have cared about if people think I'm mean to my kid. I have gotten annoyed at a friend for not being as open with their lives when I have been vulnerable with them. I have blown up at my kid who was nit picking at me or complaining about who I am/choices I've made. I've lost sleep over worrying what people think of me. I've stressed about what my kids will wear. I cared about what people will think if my house is a mess or my kids' hair isn't perfect.
WHO IS THIS PERSON?!
While I don't think my childhood of being overly honest and careless was great, I want to take more time to make like Elsa and learn to LET. IT. GO. (Disney nerd alert!) I need to find a balance. I so desire to not let how someone feels about me take over my day. Sure - a fleeting moment and consideration of my choices, communication and intention is often necessary. But, overall, I need to let go, re-prioritize my thoughts. My focus should be on who God says I am and if I am living my life in a way that honors him. I want my life to be focused on encouragement, service and prayer, not worrying about others in a way that binds me and stunts my growth. May I receive life from Christ and share that with others rather than expecting others to fill my needs. Less facebook. Less brain space for other people's problems (unless we're asked to help). Less assuming people hate me. More prayer. More kindness. More time spent meditating on God's Word than on some words someones said to me. Where do you land on the spectrum? Do you need to learn to filter or learn to let it go (like Elsa)?
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