Waiting In the Gap Between Before and After
This month has been brutal. Between day to day life, my kids' mental health issues, school behavior and now fall break - it has been rough.
I feel like I am one of those circus plate spinners. I am spinning so many plates that I can hardly keep them all spinning. Some days I am trying so hard to glue together a plate that dropped that other plates fall. Sometimes I know other plates will fall, sometimes I was so focused on something else I didn't even notice. Our lives just feels collectively overwhelming. Trying to keep it all together seems impossible.
Yes - things are brutal, but it's my head that is the biggest issue. Avoiding so much processing has become a skill because I am just so tired. Why should I have to acknowledge and accept my kids' diagnoses?! I don't even want to accept the help my kids' need because it is to invasive and time consuming.
Most days I feel like I am managing chaos that feels so outside of my reach. I have amazing friends & neighbors who have offered to take one of the kids with them to the park, dropped off a pizza or came over to just be with us. We have been so supported and that is amazing.
But what do I do for the month my son is in limbo between being approved for the day treatment and day treatment actually starting? Thanks insurance....He's getting worse and more behaviors are coming to the surface everyday. He needs more than we can offer him.
How do I wait another month for another son to meet with the psychiatrist?! He's been diagnosed and assumed to need more help, but now we have to wait. What do we do in the mean time?
I am just so grieved at having to wait when all I want to do is be able to move. I feel like I can see the horizon of hope and every time I take a step closer it gets farther away.
So, we are functioning - the kids are hilarious, silly and fun a good chunk of the time. We have resources. We have support. We are getting through this fall break. Emotionally we are exhausted, but we will be fine. Please pray for us as we are in the gap between before and after. We are waiting for help - no longer questioning what we need, but feeling like the resources are taking too long.
Pray for peace. For calm. For perseverance. For hope. So grateful you're on our support team.
I feel like I am one of those circus plate spinners. I am spinning so many plates that I can hardly keep them all spinning. Some days I am trying so hard to glue together a plate that dropped that other plates fall. Sometimes I know other plates will fall, sometimes I was so focused on something else I didn't even notice. Our lives just feels collectively overwhelming. Trying to keep it all together seems impossible.
Yes - things are brutal, but it's my head that is the biggest issue. Avoiding so much processing has become a skill because I am just so tired. Why should I have to acknowledge and accept my kids' diagnoses?! I don't even want to accept the help my kids' need because it is to invasive and time consuming.
Most days I feel like I am managing chaos that feels so outside of my reach. I have amazing friends & neighbors who have offered to take one of the kids with them to the park, dropped off a pizza or came over to just be with us. We have been so supported and that is amazing.
But what do I do for the month my son is in limbo between being approved for the day treatment and day treatment actually starting? Thanks insurance....He's getting worse and more behaviors are coming to the surface everyday. He needs more than we can offer him.
How do I wait another month for another son to meet with the psychiatrist?! He's been diagnosed and assumed to need more help, but now we have to wait. What do we do in the mean time?
I am just so grieved at having to wait when all I want to do is be able to move. I feel like I can see the horizon of hope and every time I take a step closer it gets farther away.
So, we are functioning - the kids are hilarious, silly and fun a good chunk of the time. We have resources. We have support. We are getting through this fall break. Emotionally we are exhausted, but we will be fine. Please pray for us as we are in the gap between before and after. We are waiting for help - no longer questioning what we need, but feeling like the resources are taking too long.
Pray for peace. For calm. For perseverance. For hope. So grateful you're on our support team.
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