Every. Freakin. Time.
Sneaking candy at a trick or treat event should be no big deal. Most parents are completely cool and allow their kids to have as much of their Halloween candy as they want - or at least pick a handful of pieces to snack on.
Today at Day Treatment, my oldest had a party. They went around trick-or-treating around to different offices. It was a social activity, something for the kids to do to work on their eye contact, interactions and such. So when my son came home with a bag full of fruit snacks, pretzels and stickers I was floored. His breath smelled like candy.
He wasn't supposed to have candy. We talked last night all about it - he had a bunch of sweet treats over the weekend - birthday cake, lollipop, donut, candy from trick or treating in our neighborhood. I have been trying to loosen up with him at home since he can keep it in control here. I packed him a snack of his choice to eat while the other kids were eating candy. We talked it out. He knew what to do.
I really am trying not to be the crazy, overprotective mom. But, this kid cannot control his sugar intake. If he steals sugar - he does it big. Like 3 packages of gum. A whole bag of oreos. Or like today - 15 or 20 Starbursts. (It's hard to say how many - that was his best guess.) He overindulges. He can't control his impulses and overdoes it every. time. If he could go to an event and just eat one snack the other kids are having - that would be great. But, if the music teacher gives him a skittle for singing well, he sees candy in the school library and steals a pocketful.
He can't control himself.
So, here I am - feeling horrible about the way I treated him tonight. The way I overdid the guilt trip. I was clearly disappointed and listed all the ways Baba (Daddy) may punish him. There was a lack of tact in my attempts at being subtle. Not my strong suit. My goal was to tick him off. Why?! Because I am basically a 12 year old occasionally and want him to hurt. He hurts me and I wanted his feeling to be hurt. Everything in me wants him to feel as frustrated and hurt as I feel. It doesn't make sense to me why I continue to let his choices hurt me. Why do I care if my 9 year old ate a bazillion Starbursts?! Boys will be boys. Kids steal. I get it, but I can't just let it go.
Because I love him. I want to protect him. I often fear what will happen to him when he is older and can't control his urges. Sometimes I agonize over the endless possibilities of what he may choose to do someday. I dread he will become another statistic. So many kids in, aged out and adopted out of foster care struggle with big things at young ages. The possibilities really are endless and unpredictable.
But as my husband kindly reminded me tonight: this was not personal. My son doesn't steal to piss me off. He feels left out. The snack he brought didn't seem as exciting as Starbursts. He is a kid. It is ok for him to make mistakes. So, as I desperately try to let go of the hurt and forgive my kid for deliberately disobeying me again, I choose not to take it personally. At least I am trying to. There is no value in my worrying about his future.
Here I was pouting and throwing a fit of my own. But my 9 year old son kept it together. His homework got done (mostly). He kept his cool. The shower helped him relax and he used his coping skills. He owned his choice and consequences. I should've been proud. It would've been much more beneficial for me to see his growth in telling me the truth when I caught him. I should have noticed, not reacted.
One of the advantages of the future being unknown is my ability to enjoy the ignorance. To choose to pray and trust my boy in God's very capable hands. He is not my project to fix - he is my child to love. He IS learning. He IS growing. He IS an amazing kid. If only I could've remembered these things while he was awake.
Thank goodness for tomorrow. We will start the day with my apologies. The ability to apologize and start over in the morning never cease to amaze me. It reminds me of the amazing grace God extends to me. Humbled tonight and thankful for tomorrow.
Today at Day Treatment, my oldest had a party. They went around trick-or-treating around to different offices. It was a social activity, something for the kids to do to work on their eye contact, interactions and such. So when my son came home with a bag full of fruit snacks, pretzels and stickers I was floored. His breath smelled like candy.
He wasn't supposed to have candy. We talked last night all about it - he had a bunch of sweet treats over the weekend - birthday cake, lollipop, donut, candy from trick or treating in our neighborhood. I have been trying to loosen up with him at home since he can keep it in control here. I packed him a snack of his choice to eat while the other kids were eating candy. We talked it out. He knew what to do.
I really am trying not to be the crazy, overprotective mom. But, this kid cannot control his sugar intake. If he steals sugar - he does it big. Like 3 packages of gum. A whole bag of oreos. Or like today - 15 or 20 Starbursts. (It's hard to say how many - that was his best guess.) He overindulges. He can't control his impulses and overdoes it every. time. If he could go to an event and just eat one snack the other kids are having - that would be great. But, if the music teacher gives him a skittle for singing well, he sees candy in the school library and steals a pocketful.
He can't control himself.
So, here I am - feeling horrible about the way I treated him tonight. The way I overdid the guilt trip. I was clearly disappointed and listed all the ways Baba (Daddy) may punish him. There was a lack of tact in my attempts at being subtle. Not my strong suit. My goal was to tick him off. Why?! Because I am basically a 12 year old occasionally and want him to hurt. He hurts me and I wanted his feeling to be hurt. Everything in me wants him to feel as frustrated and hurt as I feel. It doesn't make sense to me why I continue to let his choices hurt me. Why do I care if my 9 year old ate a bazillion Starbursts?! Boys will be boys. Kids steal. I get it, but I can't just let it go.
Because I love him. I want to protect him. I often fear what will happen to him when he is older and can't control his urges. Sometimes I agonize over the endless possibilities of what he may choose to do someday. I dread he will become another statistic. So many kids in, aged out and adopted out of foster care struggle with big things at young ages. The possibilities really are endless and unpredictable.
But as my husband kindly reminded me tonight: this was not personal. My son doesn't steal to piss me off. He feels left out. The snack he brought didn't seem as exciting as Starbursts. He is a kid. It is ok for him to make mistakes. So, as I desperately try to let go of the hurt and forgive my kid for deliberately disobeying me again, I choose not to take it personally. At least I am trying to. There is no value in my worrying about his future.
Here I was pouting and throwing a fit of my own. But my 9 year old son kept it together. His homework got done (mostly). He kept his cool. The shower helped him relax and he used his coping skills. He owned his choice and consequences. I should've been proud. It would've been much more beneficial for me to see his growth in telling me the truth when I caught him. I should have noticed, not reacted.
One of the advantages of the future being unknown is my ability to enjoy the ignorance. To choose to pray and trust my boy in God's very capable hands. He is not my project to fix - he is my child to love. He IS learning. He IS growing. He IS an amazing kid. If only I could've remembered these things while he was awake.
Thank goodness for tomorrow. We will start the day with my apologies. The ability to apologize and start over in the morning never cease to amaze me. It reminds me of the amazing grace God extends to me. Humbled tonight and thankful for tomorrow.
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