It’s been a blur…

 After spending several weeks at the stabilization center, our youngest was miraculously accepted at another Residential Treatment Facility. 👏👏👏 While doing well is relative, they haven't put in their notice.  And for now, we are adjusting the expectation barometer to very low: so this is good news. They are struggling, but surviving and a new treatment plan seems to be working.  This is progress.  

Within the past 6 weeks of his placement at the new facility, we have also discovered my mom has breast cancer. Thankfully she is now post surgery and doing incredibly well, but the testing continues and the mental space to catch you all up has been sparse - we appreciate your support, prayers and check-ins.  

In the midst of the end of this summer blur, I'm continuing to notice God's faithfulness.  He provided the stability for our son in a season we needed that support - long before we knew what we would need.  I am filled with such gratitude for the way God has laid the path. Knowing our son is safe and not needing to always be ready to run to help whoever he's with has been a huge weight off my shoulders.  Something I am still not quite used to. 

Between my mom's diagnosis & surgery, we were able to road trip with my mom, my siblings & their families to Montana. (See photo) We all met in Helena with our families to visit my uncle, my cousin & her family - and space to simply be together. This time was so good in so many ways.  We are grateful we had that time to mourn our son's need for treatment and space to bond with our family & between cousins/family. 

Fast forward to this week: the kids are back in school - 4 of the kids started on Tuesday - T$ already has a month under her belt!  It's time to get back into routine that often provides a lot of anxiety for some and comfort for others. It's a breath of fresh air, but may also be a calm before a storm. But we'll start with deep breaths and take it a day at a time. 

But many of you have asked & I so appreciate your thoughtfulness to ask how I/we are doing.  I can't speak for all of us, but here is my gut response: I am grateful, afraid & choosing to trust God. 

Grateful for God's provision. I'm taking time to notice the ways He has met needs with treatments, mental health resources, friends, scripture, physically in what we need and made me aware of His presence with us. However, I'm also afraid. Mostly because God has given me several projects I finally have space to move forward with. It is scary to take next steps. I am trusting my ability to hear & know God's voice and it's time to move. 

I share these things to encourage you - this world can be overwhelming.  Wanting to trust God seems to be too far out of reach. But, you aren't alone in those feelings. 

Just yesterday I was triggered to fear when someone just hinted at possible future timelines. One moment I was just fine and the next felt like I was drowning in fear - racing heart and feeling a need to gasp for air.  Yet, despite my panic, God was present with me in that space. He simply reminded me: I won't have to face these things alone. He has provided and He will continue to.  

This is comforting to me because I also know - you don't have to be alone either. God wants to be with you & He wants you to include you in a community of supportive humans, too.  No matter what is coming, He can handle your feelings, the weight and provide you with what you actually need - if you ask him. 

May you be aware of what God is doing to provide for you. He will provide community for you to walk alongside to help you notice you don't have to fix yourself or the world - if you ask.  He wants to use you to do things that seem huge so more people can know Him and not feel alone either.