He won't fit in the freaking boxes!
Have you ever wondered what it must be like for people who created languages? The intentional process of deciding what a word means and allowing to explain it and call "a spade a spade"? The last couple weeks, I've felt the inability to create a word very frustrating because I have a son that just doesn't fit in any of the boxes. (I have more than one, but to keep things less confusing, lets just focus on one.)
I mean, he has autistic like behaviors, but hes not autistic. He has over hyperactivity issues, but only in specific environments. He is super smart, but not a genius (I don't think). He is a lot of things going on in extremes but inconsistently. He barely ever does the same thing twice the same way and is very unpredictable. But, all I want is someone to give him a label. Someone please tell me which box he fits into so that I can read all the books about how to parent him well, give the school resources on how to help him function in the classroom and some instructions on how to discipline him! That's all I want!
I'm tired of trying to figure him out. I'm tired of medicating him with no avail. I'm tired of him being awesome for me and horrible at school (I'm used to the opposite with the others!).
I got together with two of my favorite friends today and they reminded me all these feelings are ok. It is good to step back and look at the progress he's made since we've been together and lower my expectations of myself, him & those trying to help him (teachers, therapists, psychiatrists, etc.). Instead of just trying to shove him in a box of who he's not, I need to relax. (Shocker - are you sensing a theme in my blogs lately?!)
I need to pray for him. I need to look back at where he's come & where we've come together. I need to stop trying to cram him into (figurative) boxes he doesn't fit in. I need to let him be him, continue to just keep loving him, and give the best resources I have to those who are teaching him.
No matter what meds, resources and parenting styles I take on, he may still spit in a teachers face. That is not my fault. He may push kids when he's mad or just for fun. I am not responsible for these choices. He may put teachers, administration and staff through the ringer, but its not because of my lack of contribution. I am doing my job. I am loving him imperfectly, but well. I am reading, attending therapy apts (for years now), learning from others and pushing myself to explore new options. I can't control him. Because I am his mom I choose (instead of pushing him away when he makes these choices) that I will continue to bring him closer, teach him how to love by doing and follow through on his natural consequences.
Letting him have a label may help, but none of our kids fit into the boxes our society makes. My kids are not their diagnoses, defined by their choices or purely a reflection of my character. They make their choices and while I walk closely beside them, I am not their puppeteer. I am their support, their cheerleader, their coach and their boundaries. I am here to help them be who they want to be and give them every resource they need, but at the end of the day, I can only provide them an environment. They have to choose who they will be - which likely won't fit in any box.
I mean, he has autistic like behaviors, but hes not autistic. He has over hyperactivity issues, but only in specific environments. He is super smart, but not a genius (I don't think). He is a lot of things going on in extremes but inconsistently. He barely ever does the same thing twice the same way and is very unpredictable. But, all I want is someone to give him a label. Someone please tell me which box he fits into so that I can read all the books about how to parent him well, give the school resources on how to help him function in the classroom and some instructions on how to discipline him! That's all I want!
I'm tired of trying to figure him out. I'm tired of medicating him with no avail. I'm tired of him being awesome for me and horrible at school (I'm used to the opposite with the others!).
I got together with two of my favorite friends today and they reminded me all these feelings are ok. It is good to step back and look at the progress he's made since we've been together and lower my expectations of myself, him & those trying to help him (teachers, therapists, psychiatrists, etc.). Instead of just trying to shove him in a box of who he's not, I need to relax. (Shocker - are you sensing a theme in my blogs lately?!)
I need to pray for him. I need to look back at where he's come & where we've come together. I need to stop trying to cram him into (figurative) boxes he doesn't fit in. I need to let him be him, continue to just keep loving him, and give the best resources I have to those who are teaching him.
No matter what meds, resources and parenting styles I take on, he may still spit in a teachers face. That is not my fault. He may push kids when he's mad or just for fun. I am not responsible for these choices. He may put teachers, administration and staff through the ringer, but its not because of my lack of contribution. I am doing my job. I am loving him imperfectly, but well. I am reading, attending therapy apts (for years now), learning from others and pushing myself to explore new options. I can't control him. Because I am his mom I choose (instead of pushing him away when he makes these choices) that I will continue to bring him closer, teach him how to love by doing and follow through on his natural consequences.
Letting him have a label may help, but none of our kids fit into the boxes our society makes. My kids are not their diagnoses, defined by their choices or purely a reflection of my character. They make their choices and while I walk closely beside them, I am not their puppeteer. I am their support, their cheerleader, their coach and their boundaries. I am here to help them be who they want to be and give them every resource they need, but at the end of the day, I can only provide them an environment. They have to choose who they will be - which likely won't fit in any box.
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