She Gets It
As I type this, my baby is having eye surgery. Almost two years ago we were in the same building while my same son was having ear tube and adenoid surgery. But last time we had a much different experience.
Last time we came, he was our foster son. I had to have other people (case workers & the judge) sign off on his surgery. I needed to have lengthy discussions with others before we could even consider allowing our son - whom we were adopting that winter - to have a routine, minor, outpatient surgery done.
This time, I just texted my husband the details of this more serious surgery, signed the form and then read the materials with my husband to be sure we wanted to go through with it. But the ease of giving my son permission was not the only way this time was easier.
The first surgery I was so anxious. I didn't know what to expect. I waited alone in the surgicenter room while my mom had to help with the other three year olds. I didn't know how to prepare my son, I didn't know how to comfort him - I had no idea what would soothe him, I didn't know what he needed - I didn't know what I needed - I didn't even know what questions to ask.
This time I came in with confidence. While every mom is nervous about surgery, I was just his mom and now I know how to comfort him. I knew what to ask, I knew what it would be like, I knew how to advocate for my son and be pushy (if necessary) about what he needs.
But what blew my mind today was when I was speaking to the anesthesiologist. She explained to me about why the anesthesia was so rough for my buddy last time around. She had read his history and understood his struggles with control and anxiety. She actually took the time to allow his history of trauma to shape the way she saw my son - and me. She has a handle on PTSD and didn't act like she understood completely, but shared with me her diligence in trying to understand why he reacted the way he did and offered ideas on how to prevent it this time around. She related with him over her having the same surgery as a child and assured me that this was relatively routine. She made sure I knew she would be with him & keep him safe - understanding the mom of a kid with PTSD needs that reassurance and support.
She may not have known how all of her words would help me feel so understood, but she took the time to show she cared. As I anxiously await his nurse coming to find me in the waiting room, knowing it is over and done.
This time, I know he will know me and feel comfort by having me with him today. I know he'll find great joy (as he did before the surgery) seeing his grandma he loves so deeply. And as we wait to be discharged, we have a dear friend who has bonded incredibly with him and is deeply loved by us all who is coming by to be with us for a while. Such joy and comfort for me knowing he is so loved and can finally express what he needs/how he feels better than two years ago.
Hoping the rest of the day goes as smoothly and I am at the same peace I am now. I feel your prayers and know God is with him and us as we wait. Thankful for Ben holding down the fort with the other 4 so I can have my undivided attention on our littlest. Thanks again for your prayers and for walking with us through this journey.
Last time we came, he was our foster son. I had to have other people (case workers & the judge) sign off on his surgery. I needed to have lengthy discussions with others before we could even consider allowing our son - whom we were adopting that winter - to have a routine, minor, outpatient surgery done.
This time, I just texted my husband the details of this more serious surgery, signed the form and then read the materials with my husband to be sure we wanted to go through with it. But the ease of giving my son permission was not the only way this time was easier.
The first surgery I was so anxious. I didn't know what to expect. I waited alone in the surgicenter room while my mom had to help with the other three year olds. I didn't know how to prepare my son, I didn't know how to comfort him - I had no idea what would soothe him, I didn't know what he needed - I didn't know what I needed - I didn't even know what questions to ask.
This time I came in with confidence. While every mom is nervous about surgery, I was just his mom and now I know how to comfort him. I knew what to ask, I knew what it would be like, I knew how to advocate for my son and be pushy (if necessary) about what he needs.
But what blew my mind today was when I was speaking to the anesthesiologist. She explained to me about why the anesthesia was so rough for my buddy last time around. She had read his history and understood his struggles with control and anxiety. She actually took the time to allow his history of trauma to shape the way she saw my son - and me. She has a handle on PTSD and didn't act like she understood completely, but shared with me her diligence in trying to understand why he reacted the way he did and offered ideas on how to prevent it this time around. She related with him over her having the same surgery as a child and assured me that this was relatively routine. She made sure I knew she would be with him & keep him safe - understanding the mom of a kid with PTSD needs that reassurance and support.
She may not have known how all of her words would help me feel so understood, but she took the time to show she cared. As I anxiously await his nurse coming to find me in the waiting room, knowing it is over and done.
This time, I know he will know me and feel comfort by having me with him today. I know he'll find great joy (as he did before the surgery) seeing his grandma he loves so deeply. And as we wait to be discharged, we have a dear friend who has bonded incredibly with him and is deeply loved by us all who is coming by to be with us for a while. Such joy and comfort for me knowing he is so loved and can finally express what he needs/how he feels better than two years ago.
Hoping the rest of the day goes as smoothly and I am at the same peace I am now. I feel your prayers and know God is with him and us as we wait. Thankful for Ben holding down the fort with the other 4 so I can have my undivided attention on our littlest. Thanks again for your prayers and for walking with us through this journey.
Comments
Post a Comment