What comes next?

Our son is supposed to move on Monday. 

Remember when we had that miraculous moment where the Residential Treatment Center he is currently in decided to extend his stay so the new RTC one could take placement next week? 

Well, here we are a week later, still with NO PLAN. The new RTC is avidly trying to back out of placement, while the one he is placed in right now have his bags metaphorically packed. 

So what is my role in all of this? I wish I knew. 

You see, the plan was that if he moved to this RTC (or any for that matter) that there would be a plan for discharge. He would be transferred to another facility if this one wasn't working out - with a transition plan outlined. When he would move home, the plan would be to have him visit for one night an then weekends - the plan would make things smooth and what's best for our son. 

Instead, here we are with RTCs that almost didn't take placement because they didn't understand why we needed help, to finding they are unable to make progress with him - or stabilize him long enough to know. They aren't even offering any care suggestions and have done no medication adjustments. 

So, we have the team with the Foster Care Agency (appointed by court) who are responsible to find him placement, the Behavioral Health HMO support team we've had in our corner for years and two RTCs unwilling to continue or take placement. With no tangible plan. Not because no one wants to, but because as we have seen for years: no one knows what to do. 

Where do I fit in? How do I love my son, yet know that having him return here would be the worst thing for him in this moment? What about my kids at home? 

As a family, we visited our son together over the weekend and while it was good, we're all still a bit rattled and emotionally conflicted about the whole thing. It's been a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster that won't let us get off - even though we've had enough. It's hard when being among chaos is your typical norm. This can't continue. 

Once again, I'm here asking for prayer for: 

1) Placement. Tomorrow the team meets with the RTC we were hoping for our son to move to on Monday - so please pray for a miracle. 

2) A solid back up plan. The Foster Care Agency is trying to secure a location for our son as needed. Pray for this to be safe for him and that the other kids and staff would also be safe if he is placed there. 

3) Hope. The last week I've physically and mentally been exhausted. It's felt like I ran into an emotional wall of sadness. I just so badly want my son to get help and need to trust God to redeem this. Most days I can, but I am running on a bit of fumes. 

4) Boundaries. I have human limits. Therefore, Ben & I can not intervene to rescue our son during this transition. This reality is devastatingly difficult. Admitting we can't keep him safe in our home is repulsive, but it is why we initiated this process. We need prayer for God to continue to give us peace and for those around us to remind us we are doing the right thing by not stepping in. Sometimes boundaries is the best way to show someone you love. By saying no. 

5) Safety. Since we recognize we have human limits, we know the staff our son will be interacting with also will struggle. Pray for them to be overwhelmed with compassion and empathy. Pray for not only the safety of our son, but also that he would keep others safe. 

Our God is faithful. He is good. No one loves our kids as our God does. Knowing humans may fail him reminds me of my own humanness, but assures me that God didn't ask me (Ben & I) to love our kids without providing his Holy Spirit to intervene. And we are not the only people He can use to help the healing process move forward in our son. Join us in prayer, please. Our God can do big things.